Day Zero, Again

How many “Day Zero’s” have I had? 10? 20? Surely not 30… Maybe 30… I don’t know. Let’s call it 25 for the sake of argument. But as a woman, in her mid to late 40’s, with a lifelong complicated relationship with alcohol, I have at least had 20 “Day 0” days. The day that I said – this is the first day of no alcohol for two weeks, one month, 90 days, forever, etc….. And the inevitable question “Am I an alcoholic?”

No one may read this, and that is okay. A year from now I hope to come back and read this entry and smile at the woman who decided to start a blog, put herself out there, and congratulate her on 365 days of sobriety.

A little about me. I am an over 45, driven female that has a career that pays me enough to live with a little extra for fun. I have a grown daughter, and am in the middle of a divorce. I have my own home, two dogs, and a few chickens. I have been separated for more than a year. I am concerned about how this journey is going to affect my relationships.

This blog is going to be a raw look at me, my relationship with alcohol and how I think I got to this place in my life.

It is important for me to be honest and authentic in this blog. That is what it is for, right? Not to put out the watered-down-social-media-filter version of events, or only-what I-want-people-to-know version of events, but events as they actually are. Fully naked and raw.. Fully exposed. The only way to really be real is to just do it. That is why I made this blog anonymous.. to make way for complete authenticity.

I hope to keep myself accountable through this blog and hopefully create an online community with like-minded women like me (men also very welcome). Those imperfect souls that aren’t sure if they have a “problem” with alcohol, but suspect they might.