Two weeks ago today, I was have a pretty rough day. I want to preface this post by saying that “Quit Lit” is amazing and inspiring – but sometimes it feels a little out of touch with my reality. I can relate to the successes and to their “pre-sobriety lives,” but you very infrequently hearContinue reading “Sobriety – Growth, Failure, Vulnerability, and a Milestone”
Last night was a bit tough for me. It may seem counter-intuitive, but I don’t like to blog when I’m in the middle of intense feeling, or even journal for that matter. When I later read the journal entries written by an impassioned me, I find my thoughts to be disjointed and irrational. I needContinue reading “Sobriety – day 12 (again) – White knuckling. Strength is where you find it.”
Goals: Trying to master going alcohol-free while not ruining my diet.
Effort status: Failing at one of those goals.
As a young person, drinking is an act of rebellion. As an adult, not drinking is. It’s your journey. Keep. Fucking. Going.
I realize my life is like my favorite coffee cup.The outside is a little damaged and that damage is visible to others.I’m not 100% sure how the damage occurred.It can’t realistically be returned to original condition. But that is okay.I don’t need to explain the damage to anyone, and I am allowed to still loveContinue reading “Day?? : Coffee, Contemplation & Contentment”
Alcohol and love can be toxic. When a person says, (but their actions say): I love you (as long as I’m pleased with you),I am affectionate and want you to feel loved (as long as I don’t feel slighted in any way or need to punish you for something I feel you’ve done wrong),Facts areContinue reading “Day Who Knows: alcohol and love toxicity.”
I have come to think of my journey to sobriety as a cycle. It is a terrible cycle. For a very long time, drinking moderately was well within reach. A little buzz, and I was fine. No big deal. Every once in a while, I would “go too hard” or “let the monster out,” asContinue reading “Day 70 – Sobriety and The Cycle of Change / Failure as a Function of Success”
Today I relearned a beautiful life lesson. As I stated previously, I fancy myself a suburban farmer. I have a very small garden and planted a few early spring plants, including kale. I worked the ground in preparation of the plants. I prepared the soil by tilling then adding fertilizer and mulching. I hardened theContinue reading “Day 69 – Sober(ish) and Life after trauma – Nourish what you want to grow.”
Sobriety and this pandemic have a few things in common. They are both very isolating. They both invoke fear. They both create a new reality that is immediately uncomfortable. But, in these days of isolation and fear, I have felt a truth trying to come out. Sometimes you find the truth in totally unrelated placesContinue reading “Day 60 – Sobriety and the courage to tell yourself the truth”
I sent this text last Saturday morning to a friend I had been chatting via text on Friday night. I sent this text because… well, it was warranted. I had text some things that maybe needed to be said, but not in the way I said them or in the condition I was in whenContinue reading “Day 53 (Sort of) Sober: Hey… Sorry about last night.”